I am a bit of a Facebookaholic. Okay, delete the ‘bit of’. And now that Facebook is available on my phone twenty-four-seven-three-sixty-five, I cannot help myself. I am constantly checking out the latest status updates, photo’s or check-ins.
I am not sure why, there’s not any specific reason why I would want to know if my sister’s old school friend is having a good day, or why I would want to know whose kids are participating in a beauty contest, or won first prize in karate, judo or gymnastics. But it’s like eating peanuts, once you started, it is difficult to stop. And every now and then there is a gem. Some really funny quip or update that will make me smile. Like this one…(disclaimer: The views expressed are those of the person-who-wrote-this, I don’t want any Twilighter mobs hunting me down!)
The last Harry Potter film was the end of an era.
The last Twilight film was the end of an error
But most of the time it is quite boring. Maybe it makes me feel better to know that nobody else is having more fun than me ;-).
But I also have a few pet hates.
I have no interest in your games. My list of games that I have already blocked includes Farmville, Castleville, Cityville, Cafeland and wait for it…Farmville2. I do not want to tend to your chickens, buy land, or whatever you need me to do. When the screen comes up with the people you need to select to interact with, please untick my name!
- There is no such thing as a profile viewer that has been developed by Facebook. I promise! And any post on you wall that starts with ‘OMG! Can’t believe…’ is a spam post…even if it comes from your bestest friend in the world. Delete!!
- I hate all applications that automatically posts to your wall, like daily articles, horoscopes, favourite pictures, etc. It clutters my newsfeed, and I am too scared to even look at your picture of the day, because most of the time, these applications see the fact that you clicked on a picture as a chance to zap down on you and the next moment, you are posting daily pictures yourself!
- Unless you have an exceptional exciting day, I don’t know, like you are attempting to do a bungee jump off the Stormsriver bridge or just got crowned the Queen or something, posting more than 5 status updates a day is too much… I do not want to know about every move you make all day long.
- I enjoy the occasional joke and inspiring quote or bible verse just as much as the next person, but if I have to scroll through five pages on my phone to get to the next post then you should consider starting to write self-help books.
- Talking about which, I do a lot of Facebooking on my phone. The screen is not very big, so when you post an update that spans over more than a page, or write a whole story, the whole thing spins down like the screen on a one arm bandit at a casino. Keep it short, simple!
- If you are a big twitterer, and post tweets all day, then that is great, but DO NOT LINK these to Facebook, please…. I will hide your posts from my newsfeed, and then, when something exciting does happen in your life, I will not know (of course, assuming you care that I know).
- Just because we have some friends in common, like a school friend that I have not seen since Noah’s ark disembarked, does not mean that I want to befriend you. I prefer to know the people on my Facebook account. I am not a celebrity (yet) and I cannot think of a single reason why you would want to know that I have just been to my favourite Italian restaurant.
- I totally know that predictive text on some smartphones can cause embarrassing moments, but please check your posts for basic grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. It irritates me endlessly to hear how greatful you are and that you went threw a really tough time.
- It is really great that you love your boyfriend or husband and I really don’t mind that you publically display your love on Facebook, but if you are going to post updates all day and all night about how much you love him or her (mainly girls here I am afraid), then please get a room.
And now, friends, I am getting off my soapbox. Let me check my FB news feed quickly to see if anybody commented on those pictures I uploaded and then I need to get ready for the day!