A break in transmission…

For all of you eagerly awaiting the next installment in my Roman holiday series, I have to apologise profusely!

As I am sitting here, I am typing this (it will be short) post with my right arm in a sling. Yup! I had a small little shoulder operation last week, and unfortunately this has forced a break in transmission, which I am hoping to fix soon!

A few years ago, I had to have a shoulder op (the correct term is an Arthoscope), to remove calcific deposits between the rotator cuff and the tendons of my left shoulder. This was after I finally visited an orthopeadic surgeon after a few years of on and off pain in my shoulder and arm. At the time, the doctor told me that we would probably need to do the same in the other shoulder as well, at some stage.

This was three years ago. Of course I’v had pain in my shoulder a few times, but it has been bearable enough to postpone the inevitable visit. But it seems schlepping all over Italy in a whirlwind trip with suitcases and handbags laden with iPads, notebooks, guidebooks etc, affected my shoulder a bit more than I thought initially, and once I managed to rest my feet enough not to feel like I was still walking on cobblestones in my sleep, the shoulder pain kicked in.

In the first week, the intensity was at the level of saying “I really should go and see that orthopead sometime”, but by Monday last week I knew that I would need to fit in a visit, and SOON. By Tuesday morning I was in PAIN and managed to get a same day appointment, due to a last minute cancellation (bless whoever that was…). Tuesday afternoon went by in a haze of pain, X-rays, tears and ended off with a very early night after I took a cocktail of pain killers early evening. And with the knowledge that it will all be better soon, as the dear doctor managed to squeeze me in on Wednesday for the procedure.

All went well on Wednesday afternoon, but I have to wear this sling for a week or so and go for physio to get all the movement in my arm back. But I am back on the recovery path and even though I am a bit useless at the moment, trying to do everything with my left arm (driving, washing my hair, getting dressed are all challenges…), I will be back on track soon.

And of course, then I can resume the sharing of our Italian holiday…

(And thanks to WordPress, I understand that today is the second anniversary of my blog, so I had to do an update post!!)

So, please bear with me through this break in transmission. Normal posts will resume soon!!

 

2014…Friendship year!

This year I purposefully avoided making any New Year’s resolutions.

I have lots of plans, yes. And of course I have goals, like eating healthier, getting fit, losing weight, but really those are not NEW year’s resolutions, they are OLD year’s resolutions and constant goals. I have resolved to the fact that these will have to be something that I will have to strive for on an ongoing basis, sometimes with more success than other.

I would really like to do at least one overseas trip this year, preferably with my girls, but starting a new job soon, annual leave will be a scarce commodity, so I will have to see how things pan out.

I have made a decision though…

With my special friends Alicia and Annie

I am a really lucky girl. I have some fabulous friends. Old friends, new friends, friends that I can call at 12 at night and friends that I can always call on to join me for the theatre of live music concert. I have friends that will go hiking with me and friends that I can share a bottle of champagne with. I have friends that will quite willingly sit and listen to me complain about my life, my job and all the things that gets me down and there are friends that I can drag onto the dance floor with me at a party. I have friends that will try out a new restaurant with me and friends that will be willing to try out my kitchen experiments.

My 40th birthday party was a strange affair. I realised that every one of my friends have some connection with me, but put them all in a room together, and they’re an odd bunch. The only real connection that they all have is me.

With friends at my 40th

And sometimes I find it difficult to get to all these friends. They are all so special to me, but it takes some effort to keep in touch with everyone. I am not a BIG group person. I prefer smaller groups of friends and treasure one on ones. There is nothing like sharing a glass on wine with a friend late into the night and having deep conversations. (Thinking about which, there is something I think I have done with most of my friends.)

And that is what I have decided this year. I am going to make sure that I do that more. That I arrange those special evenings and make sure I spend time with my friends. So, come hell or high water, this is going to be my friendship year. Rekindling old friendships, forging new friendship and sharing special moments and memories.

With Milady Retha

I believe that true friends are the essential to your overall happiness. My friends allow me to be myself, they will share many laughs with me and won’t complain if I cry on their shoulder.

So far, I ain’t doing too shabby. I have been to breakfast with an old friend (like a second mom), coffee with a friend who lives overseas, a birthday party and baby shower, dinner with a friend, Bruce Springsteen live concert with another, drinks with a friend and I have loads more lined up!

This year my only resolution is to stop saying let’s get together and then run off in a huff and forget about it, but to stop and set a time, a date, make a plan.

To many wonderful memories with friends!

 

Cheers to the New Year!

A belated Happy New Year to all of you!

I have had an exciting (albeit stressful) start to the new year, with my car being broken into on New Year’s eve, but there is nothing like driving a rental for a few days to make me appreciate my car again when I get it back tomorrow afternoon…

The view from the bottom of Plattekloof Gorge

It has been a very hot summer holiday in South Africa, and we spent most of it in the beautiful Cape Town and surrounds, doing all the obligatory things at Christmas, like spending too much money and eating too much. And one cannot stay away from the wines in Cape Town, can you?

I am not one for new years resolutions, but I did have a read of my first post of 2013 and am happy to say that I didn’t do too shabby this year! I did buy my camera, did a camera course with my daughter, did a fabulous trip to Peru and then stopped to smell the flowers in August in Namaqualand.

But, I also had a hectic busy year, and I have to admit that I did not spend as much time with family and friends as I would have liked to.

This year, I am planning another multi-day hike and hope to do at least one overseas trip (with my girls this time). And I am truly hoping that I can achieve a better balance between work and my personal life, spend more time with my gorgeous girls and entertain more!

I leave you with a couple of pictures taken on my one and only strenuous activity of December (apart from dancing the night away a couple of times).  My cousin and I did a hike little stroll up Table Mountain. My fitness levels at the moment are much to desire, but man alive, the views were double and triple worth the effort!

Views of Cape Town from Plattekloof hike

A little higher up

Beautiful Cape Town

A lookout from the top

View of Cape Town from Table Mountain

And the short cut down…via cable car!

Lotsa love!

 

The Magic will live on

Today, I have no words. I am blinking back the tears. But I am also smiling through my tears.
Rest in peace, Tata Madiba. We will miss you, but we will never forget you.

justcallmegertie

I have been blinking back the tears a lot in the last couple of weeks. Ever since our dear Madiba was admitted to hospital, for a recurring lung infection, in the early morning hours on Sunday, 9 June 2013.

He is an old man now. On the 18th of July, he will be 95 years old. If he lives until that day. Last night the presidency issued a statement to say that his condition is critical. This, from the same source that told us he was doing better and responding well to treatment, a few days earlier.

He has clearly reached the end of the road. His long walk to freedom is a symbol of our democracy. Now that he has reached the end of the road, we don’t want to let him go. But he is an old man, who has lived a rich and full life. It is…

View original post 630 more words

 

Check in…

Hello world??

Gosh, I have been bad, haven’t I? I am not gonna even attempt to make excuses for my nonexistent irregular postings of late. Let’s just leave it at ‘life has been a bit hectic’.

Instead, I am going to tell you five random things I learned this last month…

• I am addicted to crime books… Let’s not even try and hide or deny it. I kept the midnight candles burning in December reading the Lewis Man trilogy. And once I started the Dexter series properly, waking up at 2am in the morning, it was much easier to fain insomnia and read a bit, than going back to sleep.

• I am being asked more and more to ‘keep secrets”. And I am pretty good and keeping people’s confidences. One of the most embarrassing moments this month was when a friend asked me to keep her pregnancy quiet. And I did. I did not tell a soul. Until we went for dinner at their house and her husband asked me if she told me their news, and I excitedly said yes. Only to find out she told him off a week before for telling one of his friends…

• In The Odd Life of Timothy Green, his parents make up a list of qualities that they wish for a child and bury it in the garden, from which the little boy is miraculously born. I learned that if I had to make a list of qualities for a child and somehow managed to create a child matching that list, I would probably not be able to re-create the awesome girls I have. They are caring, respectful, independent, responsible, witty…

• I do not have the work/home balance that I wish for myself, at this stage of my life. I often work too long hours, and when I get home, I am grumpy and irritable, which in unfair on my girls. And I realised that I can do it for much longer, but actually, I don’t want to.

• It is incredibly easy for ‘fall out of’ an exercise program! Before I did the Inca Trail in April, I was pretty proud of myself about the amount of exercise I was doing. But winter and work has had its toll on my exercise routine. But, I am doing another 5 day hike again in April next year, so I am desperately wanting to get back to a regular exercise program.

On a positive note, I starting a five week camera course last week and cannot wait to put some of the theory into practice…And I am terribly excited about being able to share this experience with my 15 year old daughter, because I booked in the month when they were running a ‘two for one’ Spring Special’. So, we are learning about ISO settings, apertures, F-stops and white balance and enjoying it very much. Hopefully at some stage I can show you what we are capable or not capable of!

Hope to be writing you soon!

 

Just keep swimming

This post is more a check-in than a proper inspired post…So, in case you were wondering, I am still alive and kicking. Barely…

I have had a wee bit of a rough time at the grindstone recently. I am definitely not going to bore you with sop stories about long hours drowning in millions of numbers; chasing/begging/pleading with people; and crapping on people while being crapped on; or give you my lessons learned in corporate politics. I still have my head above the water and I am sure if I carry on a little longer, the other side of the swimming pool will come in sight?

And the following are the positives that I am holding onto today:

• It is Saturday and I don’t have to work today.
• I am taking my girls to see the St Petersburg Ballet performing Swan Lake this afternoon
• I have loads of wine in the house, and all my gas heaters are full. Thank goodness for home deliveries

I will be okay. I am a survivor. And I won’t allow anybody to convince me otherwise.

But, this got me thinking. What is it that make some people survivors? Why are some people able to plough through tough times and come out the better for it on the other side?

Why will some people look back on a bad episode in their life, able and willing to count the life lessons learnt in that period. And other people will forever reflect on the same episode as the reason everything went pear-shaped?

Believe me, I am not saying this because I have managed to survive a few rough storms in my life. I often think that my life story would make a pretty incredible book. The focus on incredible, because I doubt many people that know me will believe some of the stories I have to tell. But the main theme will be one of survival, and that there is always a sunny day on the horizon, even if not in the immediate future.

I don’t know if I will ever write this book. For many reasons, partly because my memory is just shocking. I can remember exactly what I felt like 30 years ago, when my dad had a stroke/embolism in the brain and our lives were turned upside down, but I cannot remember the name of the friendly friend-of-the-family that took me and my siblings in for a month while my mom was spending every waking moment by my dad’s bedside 600kms away.

I am more of a bigger picture kind of person, details are not my forte.

But back to the survival game. Of course I have sympathy for people who are constantly being pounded by bad things life throw at them. I am not for one moment trying to make light the devastating events that happen in other people’s life. But it always amazes me how some people can come out on the other side, able to share their experience and being a motivation to others. And I love those stories. Like the story of Nelson Mandela.

One of the most amazing stories I have ever read is a story about Alison Botha, told in her book I have Life. Alison was left for dead after a horrific rape and attempted murder, but somehow managed to get herself to safety and survived. And eventually the perpetrators were caught and she saw them being sent to life in jail, but not before going through another ordeal in the courtroom. It is an inspiring story about survival, choice and the amazing healing powers of attitude.

And that I think is the crux of it all. In the end, what makes someone a survivor has little to do with physical strength, circumstances or your pick in life, but more about emotional strength, our choices in life and how we chose to let our circumstances shape us, by focusing on the opportunities and being positive.

So, in the words of the world famous blue surgeon fish, named Dory…

Dory:”Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills… When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do?”
Marlin:”I don’t wanna know what you gotta do.”
Dory:”Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.”

 

Happy blogging birthday!

Believe it or not, it has been a year today, since I posted my first blog post!

When I hit ‘publish’ for the first time, I have to admit that I did not know whether anyone would bother reading my ramblings. Of course, I knew that a few friends would read it, out of obligation or because of fear of never being invited to dinner at my house again…I don’t know. But I was overwhelmed with the response.

I re-read my very first blog post “Hello world” the other day and was surprised that the reasons I started the blog were just as valid a year after! Not too shabby, methinks!

It took a couple of posts before I started gathering views from strangers in the blogosphere. And likes. And followers. And my personal favourite, comments. I still get excited every time I get a comment on my blog. And I have taken a decision that I will answer every single comment!

I have also started reading many other blogs, and was amazed at the talent out there! From beautiful photo blogs, travelling blogs, humourous blogs, and blogs where people share their most innermost feelings, I have learnt so much, met so many, shared in so many stories. I feel privileged and blessed.

Over the last year, I noticed a trend. I still share my blog posts on my personal Facebook profile, and there are still quite a few Facebook views, but most of my views are now coming from followers and random WordPress users. It still surprises me when I open my stats and see views from faraway countries like Brunei Durassalam, Napal, Bolivia, Viet Nam, Jordan, Qatar.

I decided a little summary of my views, would be appropriate.

The Justcallmegertie map: readers all scattered across the world!

Up to date, I have had (for me at least) a staggering 3,623 views.

Of course, most of the people who read my posts, are still from South Africa, but over the last few months, with the second most views coming from the UK, but over the last few months, I have been gathering views from the United States and Australia.

Top country views…

The most popular topics I have written about (according to the tags), are travel, Peru, Lima, kids, family, parenting, fitness (a wish list???), Machu Picchu, the Inca Trail and the Andes.

The known search terms are always interesting as well. The most popular search term was “perth skyline”, clearly referring to the picture I posted of the Perth Skyline from Tomkins Park (which was a picture I took, not one I stole off the interweb).

Other popular search terms are:

• lost clipart or getting lost clipart (referring to my expedition in Edinburgh)
• adventure clipart
• scorpion and the frog (who would thing a rambling about an ex would bring me so many views)
• grade 7 entrepreneurs day ideas (if you’re wondering, go for lemonade!)

And then the weird….single pretoria latino women to date with whatsapp contact details. People actually search things like that?

Or who got stuck in the middle of the great wall of china? Now, THAT would make an interesting blog post!

Or safe conversations with a women here have a glass of wine. Atta boy, please leave your name and number and I will phone you back!

And someone out there is even more optimistic than me, according to this search term…look sexy while visiting machu picchu end of march 2013. Sorry to disappoint, but there are not many people who can look sexy when hiking a 4 day trail in the Andes mountains, with only a bowl of warm water to wash in the evenings…

He will not be stuck in a corner…

And to answer this question…did elton john play in stealers wheel...is just a waste of time. He may have gotten stuck in the middle with someone, but FYI, Stealers Wheel is a band!

One of the most amazing things for me has been to come across people I know, and realising how posts resonated with people on different levels. I love it when someone say they can relate. After all is said and done, we are all human beings with the same insecurities, confidence issues, but also a need to laugh at ourselves (and others!).

And for me…this has been a fantastic experience, and opportunity to tell my stories, to share my fears and dreams, almost like keeping the diary I have never been able to maintain. And I am thankful for every view, comment, share or like.

My personal favourites have been my letter to Santa, my year of firsts and my posts about the Inca Trail.

So, I am wishing myself a very happy blogging birthday, and may there be many, many more to come!

Lots of cyber hugs!

 

A trip down memory lane

A post I read on the weekend from The Stiletto Mum made me think. It appears to have been in response to a blog challenge which I clearly don’t know about, as I am ignorant with such things.

I was teetering on the brink of leaving a comment, but couldn’t get my mind around what I wanted to say, so decided against it.

But my mind was on a run, and I started wondering. The call was to list three most significant childhood memories. And the idea was to illustrate how these childhood memories have shaped you.

Of course I also have many childhood memories that come flooding in when a question like that is raised. My problem was that I immediately started to think of all the sad childhood memories, and how indeed these memories have shaped me. The thing is, that I firmly believe that things that happen to us, do not make us who we are. Yes, of course it influences who we are, and we can often draw a link between who we are and what we’ve experienced, but I have very little sympathy with people who throw their hands up in the air and declare that it was their fate to be who they are because of something that happened or didn’t happen in their past. I am sorry if I am offending anyone, but I simply don’t buy it.

The first question, I guess, is who am I and what makes me who I am. I am many things but I think an underlying theme in my life has been that I believe I am a survivor. Not a survivor like in the television series who can live on snails and roasted bugs for weeks on end, with no proper place to sleep or shower. Not THAT type of a survivor. No, I mean in the figurative sense. I don’t think there is a lot that can bring me down indefinitely. And that’s not ALWAYS a good thing. I think sometimes I run the risk of getting myself into hurtful situations, thinking that I can get through it no matter what.

So I decided to set aside the sad memories or hurtful memories and come up with some good ones. Sadly, I cannot remember a lot of carefree things from my childhood, as I have felt like a mini grown up for almost as long as I can remember, but I was bloody well gonna try!

1. 

   I can remember the day my dad taught us kids (strictly speaking it was only me and my sister, as my brother was still a toddler) to eat prawns! I was barely 10 years old and in those days it was a real luxury. Unlike today where lots of kids virtually grow up in restaurants, eating out for us was reserved for ‘special occasions’. Having a Kentucky Fried Chicken take out once in a while was a HUGE treat. But this was not in a restaurant, and my dad made the prawns at home.

   He slowly and carefully explained how to hold the prawn with its legs downwards, snap off the head and remove the legs, and finally prise off the skin. He then proceeded to explain to us how my mom, at their engagement dinner did not know how to peel prawns and halfway through the meal looked up and saw that my dad’s plate was filled with shells. Her plate was empty. Yes, she ate the prawns shell and all, not knowing any better and I am sure not wanting to offend my dad.

   I am hugely thankful to my dad for making us try different food when we were young. Today, there is virtually nothing that I don’t eat, although he would not have ever believed that this fussy child who hated her veggies would one day munch down broccoli and cauliflower.

2. My dad was a wannabe magician and knew almost all the card tricks in the book. And he loved playing cards and games. I remember many happy evenings playing cards, Monopoly, Snakes and Ladders, Ludo, Chinese Checkers. We even used to play 21 with matches, trying to (unsuccessfully) outbid my dad.

   Today, I wish I could remember the card tricks he used to teach us. It would come very handy at a party! He was a very patient teacher and would show us how to ‘knock a card through the table’ which was not very effective as our hands were too small to hide a card and he would show us the tricks of ‘three in a row’, which was played with matches. I can still remember glimpses of some of the tricks, probably just enough to make a stuff-up of them, but every now and then someone would do a trick and it will bring an instant smile to my face.

   I still enjoy playing games with my kids, and whenever we go on holiday, we always take a game or two or a pack of cards with us. We love playing Yahtzee and can spend hours throwing dice or building Jenga towers. We definitely don’t play as much as we did when I was a child and that is sad, and probably something I should aim to rectify.

3. For a bit more than a year when I was seven years old, my dad was the manager of a motel in Phalaborwa. This was when my brother was born and we lived in a staff house at the motel, which was some distance out of town. Both my dad and my mom worked there, and they loved it. My dad had a very creative streak and would teach us how to fold napkins, how to set a table with fish knives, forks and of course, how to use cutlery properly from the outside, and how to indicate to a waiter that you are ‘done’ eating by placing the knife and fork together.

   Being the boss’ kids, we used to have a ball. Since I normally only got home from school after lunch every day, my mom would order lunch for me, which would normally include lots of healthy vegetables, which I rarely ate. For dinner, we were allowed to order whatever we wanted from the menu, which invariably was either Viennas and chips or Sandwiches with Cheese and Syrup. With Milkshakes. Yeah, I know, a very sophisticated palate for such a small child.

   

   Oscar and Knersus in the TV show

   I have very fond memories of playing in the sand, swimming in the pool, eating Pap and Marog with the workers and just being a carefree kid. South Africa was way behind with television, and in those days television broadcasts only started at 6pm in the evening, with only an hour of kids programming, so this was one of the highlights of our day. At one stage a film crew came to stay over for the filming of “Siel van die Mier“, which was a local Afrikaans production. One of our hero’s of the day, Schalk Jacobz, who we knew as Knersus from another childrens’ TV series “Oscar” was part of the crew and he would entertain us for hours with his evil Knersus voice.

Of course there were many other fond memories, but these are the first three that comes to mind. And what a nice trip down memory lane this was!

To good memories and making good memories!

What are your most memorable childhood memories?

 

Another letter to Santa…

Dear Santa

No, you are not having a déjà-vu moment, it really is me again. I know when I wrote you a few days ago, I told you that I have not felt any compelling reason to write you on behalf of myself for a long time. But on Monday night I stumbled across a Secret Santa initiative by The Stiletto Mum, for South African bloggers, and on the impulse decided to join in.

You see, I love giving gifts. It is one of my favourite things to do. I can agonise for days over ‘the perfect gift’. Unfortunately sometimes I agonise so long about what to get that I end up running out of time to actually get the present…but it is the idea that counts, isn’t it?

Anyway, the deal is such that each participant needs to compile a Santa wish list of items not more expensive than R100. So, here is my list:

• I love chocolate! Preferably dark chocolate in any shape or size or form (except for the low calorie versions…).
• I can never say no to a good bottle of wine or a nice cap de classique (ask any of the wine telemarketers constantly phoning me…).
• My biggest treat on a weekend is a nice long bath with aromatherapy bath salts! Which are running seriously low at the moment.
• I am a sucker for kitchen magafters like that Bean Slicer Jamie Oliver used in one of his Jamie at Home shows! And this morning (for inspiration you know), I strolled over to the Yuppiechef website and when I saw all the under R100 items, I almost started loading my virtual trolley! Btw, my kitchen in predominantly red…
• Still twiddling my thumbs in the virtual kitchen, I spotted a new Beer Bread Kit that I saw in the Yuppiechef newsletter the other day. It is called Barrett’s Beer Bread Kit, and you can make home made bread, just add a beer!
• Before I get stuck in the kitchen, I have started collecting second hand vinyl LP’s so if you so happen to stroll through a flea market and spot some classic oldies, don’t feel shy!
• I love shoes, but the last time I bought any shoes under a R100, was when I was being ambushed at a market in Kenya, and I never wore them as they were uber uncomfortable. But then again, my feet are so small that your elves’ hand-me-downs might fit!
• Actually, I am very easily pleased when it comes to gifts, so if you run out of time, gift vouchers from any book, music, food, wine shop or the like will do too.

Not wanting to be pesky, but if you can let me have an update on my previous letter, I would really appreciate it!

Yours sincerely
Butter-won’t-melt-in-my-mouth-good Gerda

 

Fake it till you make it

Last week I was out dining with a friend. Actually, let me rephrase that…we were both out dining and we were at some singles’ evening trying not to make it too obvious that we were flatly ignoring this boring guy at our table…but alas, that’s a story for another day… So, we were out dining and discovered we have something in common. And no, it was not that we finished school in the same year, or did the same subjects at school or were both in Knysna on 9/11 (I really have a friend with whom I have those things in common!!). In fact, we discovered that we both have moments where we feel we are faking it.

But before your mind starts wandering to all sort of things you can fake….let me explain! I came from a humble background and worked hard in school (the maths geek, remember). And I worked hard at varsity and I somehow managed to get some great opportunities and be successful, but I certainly would never in my wildest dreams have imagined myself to Ms Executive by the age of 41. Please don’t ask me what I was thinking I would be, because despite all my well practised answers in interviews when I finished varsity (‘Where do you see yourself in five year’s time?’), I did not have a clue where I was going or what I imagined myself to be. All I knew was that I would make it if I was given a chance. I don’t do failing.

By the time I finished articles at the age of 26, I did not recognise myself…somewhere along the line I picked up confidence that I did not think I had. Most of it I gained by surprising myself. I would tackle some new project or task thinking ‘Oh my word, I REALLY don’t know if I can do this’, but pretending I could. ‘Yes, sure! Of course I can do that.’ And lo and behold, I managed to do it. Over and over again. They say repetition forms habits…by surprising myself time and again I formed a new habit…confidence.

Discovering the ‘power suit’ was another light bulb moment. There is nothing that beats making yourself feel important and high powered like wearing a ‘power suit’. Whenever I feel I need a little bit of confidence for an important meeting it is always good to turn to a tailored suit that was preferably bought somewhere in London or New York (or good ol’ Sandton City) :-). And of course shoes!! Nothing like wearing a pair of heels that cost the price of a one-way ticket to London for a confidence boost…

And I am competent… I consider myself a good (albeit non typical) accountant. I (think) I have the right balance between technical knowledge and a feel for what will work from a practical perspective. I have good interpersonal skills, so generally I have gotten along with most of my work colleagues, bosses, teams, subordinates. A partner at Deloitte, where I spent 8 long and happy years, once told me that my client (who hated the firm) thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. I have been tempted to put that on my CV a few times…

But despite that, I have my moments when I feel like a fraudster. I have these visions of someone coming up to me and asking me ‘Aren’t you that girl who lived next to the railway in Eloff?’ And that they will see right through me and past the ‘power suit’ and the Jimmy Choos and see the little girl who is still surprised that she managed to pull this off. See the teenager who had no idea what to do one day and liked solving maths problems more than trying out some typical teenager stuff (like smoking and drinking and…).

But then I look back at my career, what I managed to achieve, my kids (who are much smarter than I was and definitely have a LOT more confidence than I ever had), my house that the bank owns but are letting me use because they believe I am ‘good for it’ and I realise that it wasn’t just by fluke that I got here. That it wasn’t like opening a lucky packet or rubbing a magical lamp with a genie inside, but that I got here all by myself (damn Bridget Jones again…).

And it wasn’t always moonlight and roses. If anything, the last 20 years have taught me that you really can learn from your experiences. And that when you set your mind to it, you can overcome most things. And I am the ultimate optimist. I always look for the silver lining even in the darkest thunderstorm. Sometimes I just see the thunder…but a girl can dream…:). I found this quote last year when life looked pretty bleak…

Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s a cha-cha. ~Robert Brault

And maybe one day when I am travelling the world as the youngest 60+ year old (I want my kids to beg me to come home for a while, mom, we miss you..), I will believe that this is my real life (and i will do the cha-cha). That I deserve to be here. Until then, I will fake it till I make it 🙂